Say it like you mean it... I.Love.You.

I quit livejournal because of my sister. Yup, Tracey, go ahead and read mom this.. see how much worse you can make my insides!!

Anyway, here's some sweet lyric's for you guys to the song i'm listening to


Sister, I'm not much a poet, but a criminal
And you never had a chance
Love it, or leave it, you can't understand
A pretty face, but you do so carry on, and on, and on

I wouldn't front the scene if you paid me
I'm just the way that the doctor made me, on,
and on,
and on,
and on
Love is the red of the rose on your coffin door
What's life like, bleeding on the floor, the floor, the floor

You'll never make me leave
I wear this on my sleeve
Give me a reason to believe

So give me all your poison
And give me all your pills
And give me all your hopeless hearts
And make me ill
You're running after something
That you'll never kill
If this is what you want
Then fire at will

Preach all you want but who's gonna save me?
I keep a gun on the book you gave me, hallelujah, lock and load
Black is the kiss, the touch of the serpent son
It ain't the mark or the scar that makes you one,
and one,
and one,
and one

You'll never make me leave
I wear this on my sleeve
Give me a reason to believe

So give me all your poison
And give me all your pills
And give me all your hopeless hearts
And make me ill
You're running after something
That you'll never kill
If this is what you want
Then fire at will

You'll never make me leave
I wear this on my sleeve
You wanna follow something
Give me a better cause to lead
Just give me what I need
Give me a reason to believe

So give me all your poison
And give me all your pills
And give me all your hopeless hearts
And make me ill
You're running after something
That you'll never kill
If this is what you want
Then fire at will
So give me all your poison (Fire at will)
And give me all your pills
And give me all your hopeless hearts (Fire at will)
And make me ill
You're running after something (Fire at will)
That you'll never kill
If this is what you want (Fire at will)
Then fire at will

But i knew it'd happen. Everything was going too great for too long. Grrness.. this sucks, but i've gotta suck it up like everything else.
When you're living in a shell, you've gotta crack at some point!
I keep everything bottled inside, and have been since i was a little girl. It's because i CANT let it out! People wonder why im so possesed and think grusome thoughts, well what else can you do when you've been ridiculed since you were born?!?!? I know, I know.. "We dont wanna hear your whole stupid life story.." Dont worry, i wont bore you with that. But i mean i'm starting to crack, its.. scary. You've got no idea how inhuman i can act.
I know over 100 different very inhuman ways to kill, or at least torcure, a person!!
(For e.g. My brother took me to a little store to get my summin for my bday, and they had knifes. He was gonna buy me one, but i wouldnt let him becuz i was very afraid of what i may do with it!!)
Anyway, my life is spirling downward.. Why? Well lets see, my birthday sucked ass, but worse thing came at the very end. I called my dad, to talk since he's in Florida.. but this is what i heard on the other end, "Welcome to verison wireless. The number you are trying to reach is unavailable.." I couldnt believe it.. i was stunned. I almost bawled. Also i've been really overly emotional and stressed for the past month! I feel like i've got nobody here to help me, because, well.. i dont. Yah therse probably people that would try to help, but not the people i want and need. Josh is too preoccupied with other stuff to really care anymore.. -sigh- oh well. Anyway, i just heard my mother lost her job. Great.. there goes the LITTLE bit of food we have.
Im not even kidding, she wastes all the money on her damn ciggerates, but leaves us to feed off of our grandmother.(us being me and my brother.. WHO IS GRADUATING!)
I still cant get over Cindy.. exspecially since we shared a birthday. Theres an empty dark hole in the pit of my heart.
I know you guys probably think im just doing this for pity, but im really sorry.. i just need to rant!

Im not sure if i know how to cope anymore.. i cant think.
Okay, i'll admit it.. i used to have a very bad habit of hurting myself.. which left scars.
I DONT DO IT ANYMORE!!
But pain is pleasure..
Okay, fine. I hurt myself still.. but not in the same very dangerus ways.
I sometiems punch walls so i dont punch people... and when i'm really depressed or ticked, i shoot myself.
No, not with a real gun idiots, an airsoft(which isnt airsoft at all!)
Yes it leaves marks.. but it really just tickles!

Anyway, sorry i needed to rant.. i'm really down latley and dont know how i'll make it through this way. I feed off of every compliment i get, and every good thing i see.. it's sad.

I FEEL LIKE A FRIKKIN HOBO ASKING FOR SCRAPES!!

::cry:: -sigh-

(names are cencered.. for their safty and maybe to earn some trust back lol)

Wow! I havent updated, or even been on here forEVER! So, so, so sorry!
Anyway, I guess i'll try to update a little, just so you guys can have my fyi! lol.
Well.. lets see. My last entry was talking about how me and Josh and Nala and Harriet blah blah got in that fight and w/e. Well as most ALL of you should know, i love josh. I've been told that i only love the attention and how he makes me feel, but.. i just idk. So obviously he tried to apologize, but i was stubborn(for once) cuz the stuff he said really hurt! Well what im getting into is that after a few more minor arguments we're friends again. The weird thing is, he's acting like he did when he loved me. And he's told me.. that from the bottom of his heart, he still does love me, and i love him.. so why arent we together? Oh right, harriet. He's still dating that internet-whore(lmao), but yet flirts with me *alot*! Im confused, and not sure if i should take him back if he asks me.. I NEED HELP!!

On other news, i've got new glasses! I got them forever ago, but never told ya'll.. there pink and awesome! Oh and we did Romeo and Juliet projects. I did a diary, and must say, it was AWESOME!(exspecially since i only worked on it for like.. 3 days) When i presented it i was THE only person in class who got clapped for.. HOW AWESOME?!?! But Lambo(the teacher) told me that she was pretty sure i got an A. I really need an A on this project too, cuz i'm really irresponsible and have a 0 or 2 in the grade book.

Well i'm not sure what else you guys wanna know..but i guess i'll fill you in with everyhting that's gone on. Theres really only two more things:

First my mothers best friend Candy died on January 28th. It was very devistating for she was only 44, a mother of 3, and friend of all. I swear she was an angle. (im keeping this stuff short and sweet for now)
Also my brother got in a reck. It was minor, only damage done was on his rinkie-dink ghetto toy car.

So i'll leave ya'll at that, and give you a piece of advice and quote.

Quote- People like you are why people like me need medication.(dont be a pain.. just leave people alone, and be nice)

Advice- When life comes at you hard, rough, and hot.. just turn over the pillow. It's always better on that other side.

There, i deleted it..

I dont really care about the people that were in those chats feelings, so be it. Oh well..

Yah i can be trusted, i dont just go about posting everything everyone talks to me about anywhere.. i guess you got the wrong image from me ranting.. oh well, my life cant get all to much worse now, now could it ;)


Anyway, i was quite ticked when i posted it, still sorta am, who cares..

Ugh.. this is ttilz not friggin fair.

Okay well you all know how theres stupid cliques in school right? Well im not up in that 'popular' high class shyt *what a friggin surprise*
Im in the middle level. Basically friends with *EVERYBODY*, and havent really ever had much beef with anybody.
The.Perfect.Target.
You know how all the preppy guys are? Ugh.. always trying to make a girl fall for them right? Yah.. this i hate! Theres always those few 2 day lasting fake flirters *rolls eyes* those i can handle, but this?? Never!
This is guy is on the basketball team, hangs out with some highschoolers, has some looks, and is in ONLY 2 of my classes(PE and Art.. well lunch too) He wears those clothes to say 'I'm a classy pimp'

UGH!!! I NEED TO BE A NUN OR LESBIAN!!(lol..)

This is(codename)Randy, will *NOT* leave me alone and theres no way hes accualy interested. Hes always trying to *flirt* with me, and 'touch' me.. and i *HATE* it!! This started at like.. beginning of the year, it is now simi middle of the 3rd quarter.. IT AINT NO 2 DAY SHYT!!
This guy is.. ugh.. the total steryotype of a jokish, wanna be, prep.
I.Hate.Him... i think.

UGH STUPID THOUGHTS GO AWAY!!

Anyway, he is always like following me outside.. touching me(not nastily.. but just brushing by me and smiling fakly and crap). He ran into me yesterday in a chain of guys and i walked off groaning, "Ugh.. cody TOUCHED me" so he friggin followed me to the group of chicks i was goin to and held out his hand for 'me to shake'.. i refused. I cant stand stupid lieing fakes like that.. THEY MAKE ME WANNA SCREAM!(AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!) Anyway, Randy, did something before that in Art yesterday also. (Other than the constint fake staring.. yes hes a horrible actor) I was sharpening my pencile and he just *HAD* to come up and chant behind me, "You go Sam. Sharpen that pencil!"(its.. something all the prep guys say 'you go man, you go' *rolls eyes*) I just gave him a dirty look and continued to sharpen slowly.. so he put his HAND ON MINE to make me sharpen faster, i glared behind me, "Randy.." He let go.. just to do it again!! So i just let go and let him sharpen it by himself. It wasnt even sharp, but i was tired of it so just walked off.

WHY WONT HE JUST LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE????

Anyway, even better today. Maybe the f*cker will just *TOTALY* leave me alone forever!!
Well normaly in PE Randy, who sits right next to me, will pound on the ground or yell or 'sing' and make noise.. and i just look at him untill he stops then turn around. He will continue anyway.
So today in PE i was talking to Jordan, who sits infront of him, and all the sudden he goes, "Gosh Sam why do you talk so much? It gets annoying!" I just slowly turned my head toward him and glared replying, "Cody why do you live? It gets annoying"(!BURN!) By now we were completley facing eachother.
"Wow.. i guess I'll just go shoot myself then"
"Have fun with that"
"I will. Once you give me a gun I'll shoot myself"
"Sorry, i dont own a gun"
"Well once you give me one, I'll shoot myself"
"Im pretty sure you are very capable of getting that yourself"
"No. No, Sam, im not"
At that i was getting frustrated so just turned around to mind my own buisness.
It doesnt end there. This is the best on my part.
When i went to walk to the bleachers i had to walk right by Randy and so, took the oprotunity to glare at him. He saw me and looked, still sitting, disgusted.
"Sam you make me feel like *shit*"
I just smiled and turned around saying, "Thats good, Randy. You should start to feel like what you really are" (!DAMN, GRANDMA BURN!) With that i just casualy turned and walked off. Damn can i think on my feet;)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

So anyway, also today i about started bawling my eyes out in math.
Algerbra.F*cks.Ass.
I try soooo hard in this subject and chapter but i just CANT get it!! I got every single practice problem, that i could finish in the LITTLE time she friggin gave us, *WRONG* I suck so badly. I thought i did well on last nights hmwrk.. but i really didnt. I got a 73% C!(Grading scale: 100-90=A, 89-80=B, 79-70=C, etc) I was so worked up. I was already really pissed off, and in a bad mood and our teacher *NEVER* helps us with anything.. so i cant get help so ima always friggin suck at this shyt!! Well then Ashley was talking about her homework, "I got number 15 right!"(A really hard problem) And Dylan, the biggest f*cking dick ever, goes, "Oh. I didnt. Probably because i got it off of Samantha" WTF!!! I ONLY GAVE HIM THAT BECAUSE HE LOOKED OFF MY PAPER, I CAUGHT HIM AND TOLD HIM IT WAS WRONG BECAUSE I KNEW IT WAS AND HE SAID OH FRIGGIN WELL!!! Omg.. that made me just.. ugh. I layed my head down and prayed i could think of something else because i was gonna cry so hard.

Oh and i think i have alot of 'desises' or disablity's. I'll talk about that later in another post, i should probably go now. -sigh-

!¿!PLEASE HELP ME TO COPE WITH ALL THIS!¿!


(P.S. Just kill *them* all now, Lord...)

Alrighty then...

Right now i just feel like hating life, so i do. Theres a big shyty deal with my brother and his girlfriend and OMGOSH guess what! Im, once again, caught in the middle. *What a friggin surprise*
I'm depressed. I know i am. I hate it. I hate everything. I didnt friggin choose to be like these, hell if i told you about my life you'd probably wanna kill me for not being so friggin happy. FRIGGIN A DUDE! I hate this town, i hate the people in it, i hate the schools, i hate everything.. and i dont know why. I have no real reasoning behind it except im so depressed. The little things that used to make me really happy, dont really anymore. They just make me barley crack a friggin smile. For example:

i cant even think about u ne mor....because i hate crying...and i refuse to cry anymore!!:(:@ says:
r u part of the play
i cant even think about u ne mor....because i hate crying...and i refuse to cry anymore!!:(:@ says:
?
Support the Search and Rescue--- GET LOST! says:
no
i cant even think about u ne mor....because i hate crying...and i refuse to cry anymore!!:(:@ says:
damnit
i cant even think about u ne mor....because i hate crying...and i refuse to cry anymore!!:(:@ says:
i wanted to spend time w/ u
Support the Search and Rescue--- GET LOST! says:
haha.. why?
i cant even think about u ne mor....because i hate crying...and i refuse to cry anymore!!:(:@ says:
cuz i luv u!
i cant even think about u ne mor....because i hate crying...and i refuse to cry anymore!!:(:@ says:
and ur my sam!

I'd normaly be like.. awww.. but i was just like Oh. -sigh- depression sucks.
LIFE IS PAIN!
I can't focus on anything anymore, i mean i seriously literally forgot how to put MY OWN HOUSE KEY IN THE FUCKING HOLE.. im that absent minded.
Food.. well.. nothing seems to sound very good much anymore -shrug-
Even my friends can't keep me happy anymore, and thats saying alot.
I dont really remember the last time i was no worries totaly fully nonstop happy.. i was probably 6!!

I've got over 2/3's of all the signs of depression and have been depressed to an extreme extent before.
Right now I'm just remembering alot of shit, can't think straight/remember anything, always tired no matter how much sleep i get, and i can't control my emotions.

I lost two people very very close to me at a young age.
My father lives in Florida and im too big of a friggin pussy to call him when i should.
My stepmother is a neatfreak and thinks i've 'dissowned' her *rolls eyes*

NOBODY REALLY TRUELY UNDERSTANDS ME!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry i had to get *SOME* stuff off my chest.

----------------------------------------------------------------
Heres some quote/advices stuff
Quote: "So now I'm over my head
With something I said
Completley misread
I'm better off dead" - Over My Head(Better Off Dead)-Sum 41
So basicaly, watch what you say, and say it clearly.
Advice: Take life one step at a time. Trust me, trying to jump two, you're sure to trip and fall more than the normal person.

Sorry they suck today.. i can't think.

Welp my days basically over, so i might as well just share seeing as how i have absolutly nothing else to do.

First i woke up and got on the computer, and did this lj thingy.
Then i went to subway and ate with Hillary, we went walking with Cassy and ran into a few people.
Now I'm here.

i have no life.


LOTS AND LOTS OF FUCKING LOVE!*rolling eyes*

ps: I.Hate.People.
I'll probably explain later

Yah i know its been what, ten minuets since my last post? Yah.. your right, i have no life.

So anyway, the real purpose of this post is I'm gonna give a piece of advice and/or a quote whenever i remember too:)

Advice- Dont ever give up. The ball will come back to you. It can work.

Quote- We weren't put on this world to nessisarily see through people, but to see people through.

Yurp well.. i guess I'll leave yall alone now then. TOOTLES!!

Hello there all. I'm gonna introduce myself here. I guess I'll start with my name; Samantha S. Stranger. Everyone calls me Sam though. Oh and guess what! My inticials are SSS.. how totaly awesome, huh? My best best bestest best friend's inticials are SSS too.(Sarah S. Strick) So anyway, im a very open person, I also LOVE to listen. I've help all of my friends through at least 2 tragic experiances, and i can say the same for them.(As in they've helped me) Even if i dont know you, I'll still be willing to help people out, its my natural way of living.
The person that's most important to me is my brother Devon. I love him deeply, and have about kicked somebody 5 year's older than me's ass because they messed with him. Yah.. were that close.
My dad is in Florida, while i am in Illinois. Enough said.
I LOVE to: Write, dance, eat, talk, listen, tapdance, acrobats, read shedmysoul13's storys(on quizilla), listen to music, help.
I LIKE to: Watch college football, sing, hang out, and uhmm.. have a life(haha thats a joke)
I have technically 1 dog, in florida. His name is Cody.
But i also have 3 animals i clam as mine. My uncles doggy Ceaser, and my mom's friends puppy Chico. Oh and my grandmas ugly fat cat Sandy. (Yah.. im a dog person)
My life is one big tragic horror/comedy flim. Yes, i honestly believe this. I also am really supersticiosue at times and suck at spelling.
Well i guess I'll leave you at that. If you wanna know more about me, just ask. Im very open, remember:)